Unfinished

I find myself at a loss for words. 

I find myself at a loss. 

I find... I have lost myself. 

When the sky caves in and the ground falls out from beneath your feet - when life as you have known it for 35 years disappears... I ask you, where do you go? What do you do? 

And how, how do I DO anything at all? 

Nothing seems to have the same meaning it had a week ago. Nothing seems to be in the same place as it was a week ago. Nothing feels familiar in the way it did last Saturday. Nothing evokes the same feelings, the familiar mental roads seem to lead to diffeent places, even the routines that have sustained me for years fall flat as if they somehow understand their own futility to engage the massive upheaval I am facing. 

Dreams left half dreamed - I wake up after only a few hours of sleep only to discover that this is still my waking reality. 

Teeth left half brushed - I forgot which I've cleaned and which I haven't. 

Conversations left unspoken - the words die before they can reach my mouth. 

Meals left untouched - where has the hunger gone?

Paintings left with only half their color and form - the emotions that inspired them lost to a different life. 

Drawings left with no discernible direction or composition - my mind has already wandered far, far away. 

I cannot find myself - the thoughtful, careful, intentional, quick, creative person I know myself to be. I cannot find myself amid this unfinished landscape. All of the unfinished thoughts, feelings, paintings, dreams, conversations seem to have left me... my life... my entire internal landscape...

Unrecognizable. 

Unfinished.